The Importance of Raising Strong Kids

The leaders of the Future

Raising strong, resilient children is one of the most crucial tasks for parents and society. Unfortunately, today's culture often shields kids from difficulties, leading to detrimental long-term effects. Let’s see why it's essential for kids to face challenges, learn to compete, manage their emotions, and develop resilience.

The Harm of Shielding Kids from Difficulties

Protecting children from every difficulty might seem like good parenting, but it can be quite harmful. When kids are not allowed to face challenges, they miss out on crucial learning opportunities. Experiencing and overcoming difficulties teaches children perseverance, problem-solving, and resilience. It helps them understand that failure is a part of life and a stepping stone to success.

Let me share an example. My son and I attend a Shaolin Kung Fu school. During a conversation with our Shifu, he told me about a mother whose children also train there. She approached him and asked if her kids could be exempted from the annual belt exams because they were very stressed about it.

Can you imagine what will happen to these kids in the future when they become adults and face the real world? A world where they have to fight, compete, and deal with all kinds of people and unfairness? They would be devastated. Shielding them from stress now sets them up for failure later, as they won't have the coping mechanisms to handle life's inevitable challenges.

The Need to Compete

Competition is a natural part of life that plays a crucial role in personal development. It encourages children to strive for excellence, push their limits, and develop critical life skills.

Striving for Excellence

Competition motivates children to aim higher and achieve their best. Whether in academics, sports, or extracurricular activities, the desire to excel drives them to put in the necessary effort and practice. This pursuit of excellence builds a strong work ethic and teaches that hard work and dedication are key to success.

Pushing Limits and Building Resilience

In a competitive environment, children learn to push their boundaries and step out of their comfort zones. This helps them discover their true potential and develop resilience. Facing challenges head-on builds confidence and teaches them they can overcome obstacles through determination and effort.

Understanding Effort, Strategy, and Perseverance

Competition teaches children that success requires effort, strategic planning, and perseverance. By engaging in competitive activities, kids learn to set goals, develop plans, and persist through difficulties. These lessons are invaluable in all areas of life.

Handling Victory and Defeat Gracefully

Learning to handle both victory and defeat with grace is one of the most important lessons competition imparts. Winning teaches the rewards of hard work, while losing teaches humility and resilience. Experiencing both sides of competition prepares children for the ups and downs of adult life.

Preparing for Adulthood

Adulthood is inherently competitive, whether in the job market, personal achievements, or social interactions. Exposing children to competition early on prepares them for this reality. They learn to cope with pressure, perform under stress, and bounce back from setbacks—essential skills for thriving in a competitive world.

Everything our civilization has achieved is because of competition. Some might argue that cooperation is more important, but the answer is no. Both are important, but without competition, which is inherent in human nature, our civilization would still be in its infancy. Better cars, better houses, better computers, and advanced technology are all results of competition, along with cooperation within the competing parties.

Learning to Argue and Control Emotions

Learning to argue constructively and manage emotions is crucial for children's development. These skills prepare them for personal and professional success and contribute to healthier relationships and emotional well-being.

Constructive Argumentation

Kids need to learn how to argue constructively, which involves articulating their thoughts, listening to others, and finding common ground. This teaches them that arguments are about exchanging ideas and reaching mutual understanding, not just winning or losing. Engaging in healthy debates encourages critical thinking and helps them develop reasoning abilities that are invaluable in both academic and everyday settings.

Emotional Control

Emotional regulation is a fundamental skill. While emotions are natural, allowing them to dictate actions can lead to impulsive decisions. Children should learn to recognize their emotions and manage them effectively. Teaching kids that it’s okay to feel emotions but not to let them take control helps them make rational decisions and respond thoughtfully to situations.

Action First, Reflection Later

A vital lesson is to take action first and reflect on emotions later, preventing rash decisions driven by temporary emotional states. For example, when frustrated with a challenging task, children should tackle the problem methodically and then reflect on what triggered their frustration and how they managed it. This practice builds resilience and self-confidence.

Teaching children to argue constructively and control their emotions is essential. These skills enhance their ability to communicate, think critically, and manage their emotional well-being, preparing them for successful and fulfilling lives.

Rational Control: What Distinguishes Humans from Animals

The ability to control our actions through rational thought distinguishes humans from animals. This capacity is developed through discipline, self-reflection, and conscious decision-making. Teaching kids to use their minds and conscience to guide their actions helps them grow into responsible, thoughtful adults.

Discipline

Discipline is the foundation of rational thought. It involves setting boundaries, adhering to rules, and maintaining self-control. Children who learn discipline understand the importance of following through with commitments and the consequences of their actions, fostering responsibility and reliability.

Self-Reflection

Self-reflection allows children to analyse their actions, understand their motivations, and learn from experiences. It helps them evaluate their behaviour, recognize strengths and weaknesses, and make necessary adjustments, leading to personal growth and self-improvement.

Conscious Decision-Making

Conscious decision-making involves thoughtful deliberation before acting. Teaching children to make decisions based on careful consideration helps them develop sound judgment. They learn to weigh options and choose the best course of action, which is vital for making informed choices in all areas of life.

Guiding Actions with Mind and Conscience

By teaching kids to use their minds and conscience to guide their actions, we help them grow into responsible, thoughtful adults. They learn to differentiate right from wrong, act with integrity, and contribute positively to society.

Fostering rational thought can be achieved by encouraging open discussions, providing decision-making opportunities, promoting problem-solving activities, and modelling rational behaviour as adults.

Rational thought is a defining characteristic of humanity. By developing this capacity through discipline, self-reflection, and conscious decision-making, we prepare children to lead fulfilling lives and contribute positively to society.

The Consequences of Pampering and Building Resilience Through Experience

Children who are overly pampered often struggle with criticism, lack long-term goals, and avoid the effort needed to achieve challenging objectives. Every worthwhile goal demands difficult times, tough decisions, risks, effort, and pain. Without experiencing these early in life, kids may become ill-equipped to handle life's inevitable challenges. We can see today that this lack of preparedness leads to higher levels of unhappiness, depression, and even suicide among young people—issues that were less prevalent in the past.

It's essential for kids to face and overcome adversity early in life. Doing so builds resilience and prepares them for future challenges. Resilient children are better equipped to handle criticism, set and achieve long-term goals, and endure the pain and effort required for significant accomplishments. By allowing children to experience difficulties, we help them develop the strength and resilience needed for a fulfilling life.

Conclusion

Raising strong kids is about more than just keeping them safe; it's about preparing them for the realities of life. By letting them face difficulties, encouraging competition, teaching them to manage their emotions, and promoting rational control, we equip them with the tools they need to succeed.

Strong kids won’t run away in fear, leave a discussion because their emotions are hurt, start crying if they are insulted, or quit when difficulties arise. Strong kids are the men and women of the future. They will be the leaders who will either make the world a better place or destroy it. We need to learn from the past, make adjustments and create a better future for all of us. And we as parents are responsible for that.

Pampering may provide short-term comfort, but it will lead to long-term challenges. In contrast, fostering resilience and strength will help children grow into happy, successful adults capable of navigating life's complexities.

Building resilience involves experiencing pain and making uncomfortable, sometimes scary, decisions for parents. This process is akin to forging a sword: Extreme heat is necessary to melt the iron and then hammer it to shape it into a strong, sharp weapon.